What Are You Prepared To Do?

That title is a line from a movie, but it applies for America today.  The Government has had their boot heel on our neck's for years now.  Most Americans are either complacent or buy what the Government is selling hook, line & sinker.  If you think those dusty countries, are the only the only countries that are using chemical weapons against their people, open your eyes cuz you are sorely mistaken. 

Currently, class Warfare is going on and the War on Race has never ended.  Let's start with Class Warfare & how the Government is helping to make it's citizens sick.  The FDA approves Food & Medicine, correct.  That means the Government has approved Corn syrup, going into everything that it's in.  And y'all... it's in everything.  Don't take my word for it, check your labels & see.  What happens when you get to much Sugar?  You get fat, develop Diabetes & a host of other things.  When you get Diabetes & the host of other things, you need to take medicine.  But wait, doesn't the D, in FDA stand for Drug.  Yes, it does.  Pharmaceutical companies profit off us, the citizens, getting sick.  Isn't the FDA a Government Regulation task force?  Yes, it is.  Are you getting the picture now?

On to the next example, of how our Government is committing Chemical Warfare against it's people.  There are companies like Monsanto, that give their Genetically Modified seeds to farmers, for them to grow food.  These seeds are patented by those same companies that give the seeds to farmers, in essence, taking control of the farms.  They can't out right take people's farms, but they can make those farms dependent on the companies, to grow their crop.  Now, once those seeds are in the ground, they've modified them to with stand all other chemicals that kill bugs & help the crops grow.  The farmers then have to buy insecticides & fertilizers, from the company they bought the seeds from.  Gotta give the devil's their due, it's clever.                
   
Now, on to the next crooked thing.  Do you know what GMO's are and what they do?  A GMO is a Genetically Modified Organism.  When I heard the word "Genetically", in relation to food, for the first time a few years ago I already didn't like it.  Genetics is not something you wanna play around with.  If you don't buy your food from Whole Foods, most likely you're putting GMO's in your body everyday, 2 or 3 times a day & I'm not completely sure if Whole Foods, food, isn't being Monkeyed with.  GMO's are a Transgenic technology, what that means is, they take the Gene from 1 organism & splice it with the Gene of a WHOLE different organism.  They've done studies that show creatures that live near & eat the these GMO foods & drink the water that runs off these foods, can now switch genders.  Don't take my word for it, research it. 

The same thing with Hormones in meat.  Girls are now starting their periods at 8 yrs old.  Our bodies are becoming more resistant to Antibiotics as well.  The reason for that is, the more you expose your bodies to Antibiotics, the higher your tolerance for them becomes.  Now let's get to the part that may shut get my FB acct.
shut down.

The Government is moving us around like pieces on a Chess board.  While they & the other 1% get richer (or is it more rich) off the backs of, what used to be the working class, the working class is dwindling.  Tent Cities are not so shocking any longer & you find people in those Tent Cities who used to have good jobs.  I believe on Thursday of last week, Republicans (& this is not a smear against Republicans, it's a smear against ALL of Congress) were trying to pass a bill that says if you want Food Stamps, you need to take a drug test (which I have no problem with) but that you also must work 20 hours a week, to be eligible.  I'm sorry, who are the people who need food stamps the most?  People who have lost their jobs or people who work, have just enough to pay bills and no money for groceries.  The Government is trying to starve us out, while they sit down to a Duncan Phyfe table every night, their cook presents their dinner, they eat it in 1 of the many homes they own & retire for the evening.

Whenever Congress wants to cut something out of the budget, it's always to the detriment of the poor, or the working poor.  You hear this all the time, but I'm gonna say it again, because it bears repeating.  Why don't they give up their salaries, that would definitely help out some.  When they need to make cuts, why are the 1st things brought up always Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid & Food stamps?  They're all Monsters & they deserve to be put down as such.  From 1789 - 1792, the French Revolution took place, Marie Antoinette & Louis XVI were dragged out of their palace & locked up.  This was done because they were living a posh & lavish life, while people starved & died.  It's time for American citizens to wake up & fight.  It's time to set fire to 1%'s homes & drag them out into the street.  Complacency has no room here any longer.  The Government is trying to kill us.  Kill us with bad food & make a profit.  Kill us by starving us out.  Kill us by being in cahoots with insurance companies, who turn us down because of "pre-existing" conditions, that they helped cause.  Kill us with tainted water.  Congress is an Evil Empire & they need to be dealt with.  WAKE UP!!  What are you prepared to do?!!             

Everything I know about sex, I learned from Jackie Collins

When I was ten years old, there was a Scholastic Book Fair at my school.  I told my Grandmother about it and asked if I could have some money for the Book Fair.  She said to me, there r plenty of books in that basket over there, and she pointed to the basket.  I was happy with that answer.  The very first grown up book I read, was Master Of The Game by Sidney Sheldon.  That was it.  The die was cast and from then on, (with the exception of the Sweet Valley High series and a few YA novels) I read books that were for grown ups.  A Jackie Collins novel was my next novel and was my absolute favorite author. (until I read my 1st Stephen King book) I became a girl on a mission.  The big Library, Downtown had book sales, to get rid of all their used books, that had seen better days and also to make room for new books.  My Grandmother and I went to those sales, where obtained every Jackie Collins novel, that was for sale.  In my household, we never had "The Talk".  Sex was never mentioned, despite the fact that I watched all the nigh time soaps and daytime soaps, when I was home from school, i.e. Dallas, Knots Landing, Falcon Crest, Dynasty, The Colby's, Guiding Light, As The World Turns & The Young and The Restless, but back to Jackie Collins.  Television sex, was far different from Jackie Collins sex.  I finally found out what all the fuss was about and in great detail.  I was caught up in stories of scandal, nefarious schemes, murder, deceit and torrid, sexual affairs.  Jackie Collins' sex was AMAZING to me at 10 years old.  Maybe my Grandmother let me read Jackie Collins, so she wouldn't have to have the uncomfortable "Talk".  Maybe she let me read it, b/c she thought I was mentally capable enough to actually get the story or maybe, she just plain forgot or didn't realize exactly what was between those pages.  All I know is, I was glad she let me read it.

The Shrillest Shriek

My definition of The Shrillest Shriek:  an involuntary sound your body makes when startled.  The Shrillest Shriek often times hangs in the air moments after you've made it.  It's a universal sound and everyone who hears it, knows the person making the sound has been startled.

When we first moved into the Munger house, it had rats and I made that sound often.  After being there for a while, I was no longer startled by the rats.  When we put the good poison down, I'd open a door, a dead rat would be there and I would just close the door or move the piece of furniture back in it's place till my husband got home. 
 
A few months ago, we were having horrible problems w/ rats.  I had forgotten the shrillest shriek, but became acquainted with it again quickly.  We couldn't find the good poison anywhere.  Yes there is a "good poison" they (rats) apparently use the poison from the grocery store as a snack.  Once you crossed the threshold of the kitchen, you were in their territory.  I quit going in the kitchen after a certain time of evening.  They were also trying to come through the wall in the bathroom.  Pretty soon, the whole house would be theirs.  One night, after dark, I heard Abbey make the shrillest shriek.  I didn't get scared, I knew what the sound was.  The next day, I went online in search of the "good poison", and I found it.  We mounted an assault against the rat hordes.  After a couple of days, I knew we were winning.  The smell of dead animal was so strong, it made me nauseous.  I had to open the few windows we have and turn on every fan.  We've been rat free for a few months now but Spring is here, the rabbits are back and I'm sure the rats will follow.  

Maaan do I miss Crackheads

We've been in this house for quite a while now & I've decided I really miss Crackheads.  Crackheads would do anything you needed them to do, for ten dollars.  If it was a big job, I'd give'em twenty dollars.  Our trees needed to be trimmed, the leaves needed to be raked up and a plethora of other odd jobs, need to be done.  Unfortunately, since there aren't any Crackheads around, I have to pay through the nose, for things to get done.  My gutters are so full, they've actually sprouted weeds.  If there was just one Crackhead around, all of my outdoor problems would be solved.  Oh well.

OW! That hurt my heart!

Time again to catch up w/ the Mason kids.  My kids are aged 11, 8 and 4.  My 4 year old Dash, is quite a little pistol.
A few months back, I was sitting in the living room and heard these words, coming from my daughter: "Ow, that hurt my heart!"  I started laughing, because those words coming from a 10 year old, just don't fit.  Then I remembered Dash, the Diabolical, so I thought I should investigate.   In the hallway, I found my daughter, doubled over clutching her chest.  Dash, the Diabolical had struck again.  He jumped up and kicked Abbey dead in her chest.  No, I didn't go after Dash, to whoop his behind.  I was more concerned with watching Abbey and making sure her heart didn't stop.  It probably did hurt her heart.  Her heart probably skipped a beat.  If she would have been on a heart monitor at that moment, she might've flatlined for a second.  Everyone has seen the electric paddles doctors or EMS people use to revive a patient.  I imagine his tiny foot contacting her heart, most likely jolted it, somewhat similar to the way those paddles work.  Needless to say, she was just fine.  

Peace held no more...

That's right, I've held my peace long enough. Its time to drop some dimes. Its hard to know where to start. First off, the recession is on because of the REPUBLICANS. How is it, that Obama's been the President for jut a little more than year, but all the layoffs & the state of the economy is his fault? Y'all need to get real. Yes, I will agree that the Democrats played a part in this too, because they agreed on the war 8 or (is it) 9 years ago. We all know that EVERYONE was duped. I'm an Obama supporter, but he is making a mistake sending troops to Afghanistan. Yes, that's most likely where Osama Bin Laden is, but at this point in the game, we don't need to send troops out. We should be doing what we can to help Iraq recover, & then withdrawing our troops. The money that we're spending, sending troops to Afghanistan could go towards something else. This is not a war like WWII where we know & can see our enemy. The money that we're spending over there, could go towards making America safe. Our enemies are here, living amongst us. 

Next, the douche bags at Chrysler are reneging on our deal, but if Obama wouldn't have approved the bailout, we would have just had more layoffs sooner. Don't worry, all those higher ups at Chrysler, AIG etc. are gonna get theirs. Maybe not today & maybe not tomorrow, but trust & believe, they are gonna reap the world wind.

Alright, time for the Bible thumping, racist, Republican super conservatives. All of u can kiss my ass & go straight to hell. Let their lily white daughters be raped by a black man, they'd carry her to have an abortion so fast, it would make their own heads spin. You don't believe in abortion but you do believe in the death penalty. Get the f**k outta here. If you're not rich, you should not be a Republican. I don't understand how conservative, so called Christians, can justify all of their political beliefs & still call themselves Christians. Their beliefs, are the exact opposite of what Jesus teaches in the Bible. You freakin' hypocrite make me sick to my stomach. I actually have an over all bad feeling when I think about you. I also don't appreciate you giving Christians a bad name, because of you, souls will be lost.

NEXT!!! To everyone that's against passing the health care bill into law, you are some selfish, greedy, hateful, low down dirty dogs & you'll get yours just like Chrysler & AIG will get theirs. I just wish I could be there to see it. You make my booty itch. There's no reason for one of the most prosperous countries in the world to be behind Cuba in health care. Yes, if u didn't know, Cuba, a 3rd world country has better health care than America. Even a deranged dictator like Fidel Castro isn't as crooked as our own politicians, pharmaceutical & insurance companies. If you're not rich, you shouldn't be against health care for all. All it would take is for you to get sick & have your insurance drop yo ass like hot potato. You'd be sick, & possibly lose your home. You would then regret the decision to be against health care for all. To all the idiots, claiming that their against health care because it would make taxes higher, are u insane. My family spends 400 & sum odd dollars on insurance alone every month. That's not including the price of prescriptions. Every month, we don't know if somethings gonna happen where our insurance is gonna drop us or not. If there was health care for all, our taxes would go up but you would no longer live in fear of getting sick & being dropped. I would be happy, no, delighted to pay 400 & sum odd dollars more in taxes every month for my peace of mind & possibly no co pays for prescriptions or doctors visits. Also, if you don't have to pay what you're currently pay in insurance, & that money instead went to the government for the exact same thing, how would u be getting hosed?  It comes out the same & you'd be getting more for your money. Time for the Douchebag of the year award. This year it goes to: (drum roll please) Joe Lieberman. Oh how I'd like to do bad things to this traitorous douche bag. Maybe its because I'm so loyal, to my own detriment at times, that I want to punish him to death by a thousand cuts. Ok, thats all of my rant for now. I'll be back later w/ more cause the Genie is out of this bottle.

Spring Fever

I don't know if y'all have heard about the Binghamton, New York shooting yet but if you haven't, I believe 17 people were killed there today. Of course I have a theory. It's Spring Fever. I'm not making light of this tragedy, I'm just telling you what contributed to it. There's always a little truth in Old Wives Tales. People react just as strangely to the first of spring as they do to a full moon. Let me give you some more examples. The Oklahoma City bombing was in April, The Branch Dividian stand off in Waco,Tx was in April too. Also Columbine and Virginia Tech. My Grandmother said that her Daddy (my G-Grandpaw) would snap every spring and jump on somebody. They used to have to send him away to air him out a bit. Don't tell her I said this, but Grandmother, who suffers from "the crazies" too gets belligerent and wacky. I've been trying to recover from my slow downward slide this first of spring as well. Once again, not making light of these tragedies, spring does something to people. Take my advice and try to be nice to people this 1st of spring, you don't want to be the one that makes someone snap.

IT REALLY HAPPENED!!!

Yesterday history was made. Even Osama Bin Ladan knew about it & he really has been hiding under a rock for the last 2 years. I wouldn't let myself believe it was really gonna happen, until I saw it and other black people felt the same way. You see, as a people, we hope for the best & expect the worse, that way our hopes won't be dashed. I watched, half expecting the ghost of Bull Connor to appear and knock the Bible from under our new President's hand, but let me back up. The "Procession of Presidents Passed" was what was really interesting. Each of them looking more haggard than the last and poor President Carter looked like a "haint" (a ghost, for those of you who are to Citified to know that word). Then they finally got to President Bush, who looked like he had been on an extended vacation. The job hasn't aged him an iota. The other Presidents had been aged by what I imagine is the hardest job in all the free world, and this jack-ass has pep in his step. Here comes Dick Cheney being wheeled out looking like Mr. Potter from It's a Wonderful Life. When I saw Cheney, I instantly thought of the "scurvy little spider" speech the fictional George Bailey made to the also fictional Henry Potter. It was nice to see our super cool Obama, have nervous laughter when he took the Oath of Office. To me, it made him feel more real. The "dark cloud" over the festivities was that when G.W. took flight he was coming back to Texas, and eventually to Dallas. He should do well to remember, Texas may be a "red state" but Dallas County is blue.

My hapless husband

Phone: Ring, ring,

Me: Hello

Voice: Is this Mrs. Jaime Mason?

Me: Yes

Voice: Mrs. Mason, your husband fell into a manhole and broke both his legs.

Me: Hmm. Is he unconscious?

Voice: No ma'am he's screaming & in a lot of pain.

Me: Of course he is. I'll be there as soon as I can.

I hope this scenario never happens but if it does, I wouldn't be surprised. Let me take you back to the beginning of our marriage:

'98: Acid Reflux. He lost threw up constantly & lost 20 lbs. before diagnosed.

'98: Really bad flu.

'98: Shingles.

'99: Battery acid in his eyes.

'00: Nearly set house on fire.

'02: Steps on a 2 1/2-3 inch rusty nail.

'02: Falls down stairs.

'02: Falls down stairs... again.

'02: Falls downstairs carrying Abbey.

'02: Falls downstairs & is no longer allowed to carry Abbey up or down the stairs.

'03: Falls in the shower.

'03: Homeless man sleeps in his car.

'04: Falls up the stairs...Yes, he fell up the stairs & hit his head on the top stair.

'05: Constantly trips over newly installed gates.

'06: Scrubbing a stain out of Abbey's carpet, he pops a ligament in his finger & has to wear a weird finger cast.

'06: Still tripping over the gates.

'07: Windshield wipers go out in a storm & he drives home w/ the drivers side window down, wiping the windshield manually. When he gets home his whole left side is soggy.

'07: Still can't quite get the hang of those gates.

'08: Brakes fail completely on the way home. Has to use emergency brake to stop at red lights. Since he uses his car as his office, everything flies forward upon stops.

'08: Getting a bike for Abbey, he pulls a bike down from above & nearly knocks himself unconscious.

'08: And last but not least, is arrested for a 5 year old warrant and manhandled by the police.

I love that man.

The America inside America.

There is a Black America & a White America. Yeah, I said it! Some people believe there's just one America, but they're wrong. The last time it was this obvious was when O.J. Simpson was declared not guilty in the trial. Y'all know as well as I do, that trial didn't have much to do w/ the murder itself. (That's a whole other topic though) Here it is, about 12 years later & a Black man could become President. People that don't consider themselves racist are making the election of this man about Jeremiah Wright & other Black associates that are leaders in their community. The real problem is WHITE PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO KNOW US & they're afraid if Obama becomes President, they'll some how instantly have to know Black people. Every time I meet a White person for the first time, I can almost see the "thought bubble" over their head trying to either figure out how to tell me they know a Black person, or going through their mental facebook to see if they know any Black people at all. You see, 60 years ago they had to know Black people because a lot of us worked in their homes. If they didn't have someone working in their homes, it was the "Colored man" who ran the elevator at their jobs or the Caddy at the golf course, etc. Still, to this day, the only Black people White people know, is the handful that work on their jobs & I bet a lot of them would be hard pressed to tell you what at least one of those person's name is. Black people have to know white people... they're everywhere. White people are the boss, the neighbor, the Teacher. They're in the next cubicle & on the treadmill you're waiting for. Black people can only talk about Black issues in front of other Black people or we're (get this) called racists. Your average White person doesn't want to know what's wrong, they just want to go on sticking their head in the sand. I have proof but if you want it email me privately. Black people, as a Nation inside another Nation have to walk in 2 worlds, using the language of White people & our own language. I've mastered it, like most other Blacks. My 6 year old daughter has too. She has already began straddling the fence of being "White" in front of White people & "Black" in front of Blacks. God forbid, a Black person airs our "dirty laundry" in front of White people. That person has just "called down the thunder." For example Bill Cosby. He didn't realize the White media was there. Black folks put him on a spit & spun him over hot coals. If Obama gets into the White House, I don't know if I'll be happy for him as a person or if I'll mourn for him.

The state of the Country

1st Topic. America seems to be "going to Hell in a hand basket". 1st just let me get this out of the way. If you only have money in the bank, you're naive. My Grandmother always told me: "Always keep a little money on you." Now she didn't mean on your person, she meant in your possession. Everybody needs to keep some money stashed around the house. Now I'm not saying keep all you money in your mattress, but keep something in your house. Have y'all seen what's going on w/ Indymac bank? Yes, I know that the FDIC is suppose to insure your money for up to 100,000 dollars, but Indymac is not the only bank that's in trouble. If all these other LARGE banks fail, will the FDIC be able to cover every body's money? I'm thinking not. If my bank fails, (my bank was not one of the banks on the list) I have a little money stashed in various places so me & my family will be able to eat for a while.

2nd Topic. NAFTA. Does anybody understand what has happened because of NAFTA? Because of NAFTA, big companies like Nike have taken their factories to Asia where they can pay them almost nothing to work. These "big companies" are propping up the economies of other countries instead of their own. I believe that all these companies should be fined for taking their factory and call center jobs away from Americans. Families are hurting here & the Government needs to rescind NAFTA.

3rd Topic. Gas. I don't know what more I can say about gas that my post: Where's the Hell Naw, didn't cover. Bottom line: Americans need to do something about it.

Where's the "Hell Naw?"

My husband (Brian) & I were on our way home this evening when the gas light came on & made that "Ding" sound. That "Ding" sound is a sound I've come to hate. I know I'm not the only person that feels this way. Some of the first Americans went to war over tea. Y'all do remember your history don't you. We went to war over taxes on tea. I'm looking around at the state our country is in and wondering to myself: "Where's the civil unrest?" Why are there no riots or at least some picketing? Where's the "Hell Naw?" The "Hell Naw I'm not payin' 4.00 dollars for gas." When did Americans become complacent? I'm not a complacent person, I'm passionate. I'd love to get a bunch of Mini van Moms together, drive down to the Mobil headquarters & just act a fool. I mean cause a real commotion. Many people don't realize the trickle down affect that's happening. Because gas has gone up, everything has gone up. People are saying they never thought they'd see the day when chicken would cost more than beef. That's because of gas prices. The American government is scramblin' to find a new "gas" source. That new source is Ethanol. Where does Ethanol come from? Corn. What do chickens eat? Riiiight, corn. Because everything travels by truck, food has gone up & will continue to go up. Not that everything else won't go up too, but we can live without a lot of things. Food ain't one of 'em. I suppose we could all become Locavores, but most people have jobs away from home, so when would people have time to kill & pluck chickens or pick the veggies from the garden for dinner. I'm mostly ticked off because there doesn't seem to be enough outrage.

Do you speak Southern?

I know I've said I'm working on a post about southern cuisine, but I can't get passed the five lines I have on it. I still, however, have a lot to say about the southern language. We can "speak gooder fastly" or we can be vivid & extremely dramatic. What I'm getting to today is not just our "low speech" or our dramatic speech, but both. In addition to those forms of speech, we have a way of talking that only other southerners understand. I don't know that we're even aware of it when we do it. I realized it one evening when Brian & I were pulling into the garage. As we were doing that, we were assaulted by a horrible smell that filled the car. Brian & I, in unison, both said: "Ugh... Pole Cat." That's when I began to think about it. I called Jessie, & told her about it. She said she would ask the people who came through her office if they know what a Pole cat is. I can't remember if she did or not. Anyway, I compiled a list of words & pieces of speech that only southerners use. I don't think they fit into the aphorisms or the colloquialisms list. Some of these words aren't even real words. You won't find these words in any dictionary.

• Steaded= to continue an activity you've been told not to
• Riled= to be angered
• Monkey blood= Iodine
• Spell or spells=when someone goes through dramatic emotional changes, high or low
• Stud'in= when you don't care what a person or people think
• Hunker= to lay low because of weather
• The Stimples= Canine cold
• The Hawk= unexpected cold snap
• Pole cat= Skunk
• Holler= screaming or yelling
• Racket= loud noises

Southerners turn a phrase differently. That's because we don't use the same one word that non-southerners use.

• Turn me loose. Or: I'm gon' turn my dog loose on you.
• Get hold of him.
• Get shed of him.
• Cut the light off.

The next 2 turns of phrase would only be used by a southerner because we're the only region that's this dramatic.

• He took to his bed.

That person didn't just get sick or depressed, he had to: Take to his bed.

• He ran a foul of the law.

Again this person didn't just go to jail, he had to: run a foul.

My love of speech has continued to get in the way of all the other Southern things I want to talk about. Eccentric, unique, backwards, I'm happy w/ all those descriptions.

To the extreme

I've been working on a southern cuisine blog post, but I just can't seem to escape our speech. Our speech is just so colorful & expressive. We can't just say:
"It's hot." No, we have to say: "It's hotter than the hinges on the gates a Hell." Yes I am aware I put an "a" where an "of" should have gone. But if I put it that way, it wouldn't have been southern speech. Also, you will find, that our speech is dramatic. Take the aphorism mentioned above, how dramatic is that? We have to say it's hot and then some. We have to take it to the dramatic extreme. We paint as vivid a picture as possible to make sure we're understood. We're a very visual people. Just imagine, the description of Hell in the Bible. Okay, do you have a visual? Now metal surely gets hot, so picture the hinges on the gates glowing red like metal does when it's heated up. Let's take it up another notch to when the metal is passed red and it moves on to white. The hinges on the gates are white hot. Tell me that aphorism isn't dramatic and to the extreme. I would describe my wedding day that way. The breeze that was blowin' felt like a blow dryer. "It was hotter than the hinges on the gates of Hell, Lord ha' mercy." Lord have mercy, is like a punctuation mark at the end of a sentence for southerners. I digress, lets find our way back to aphorisms. "She wouldn't give a crippled crab a crutch, she was so selfish." "He's as crooked as a barrel of snakes." One could use that in reference to a politician. That's also pretty dog on crooked. "I was busier than a one armed hanger, Lord ha' mercy." That would describe me nearly everyday. That few aphorisms are dramatic & to the extreme. Those 2 words can describe the average southerners personality too. Y'all, I'm trying to get out of the language maze I'm in, but its just too irresistible. Just bare w/ me.

Charleston Heston: B. Oct 4, 1923/24 -D. April 5, 2008

Well y'all, Charleston Heston died. I'm still working on The South posts but I needed to go ahead and acknowledge his passing. Charleston Heston, was at one time on my husbands & my list of Old Men Who Could Still Kick Your Ass. He fell off the list because of his failing health. I look on the man w/ both admiration & condemnation. Heston campaigned for John Kennedy & Adlai Stevenson. In '61, he picketed a segregated movie theatre in Oklahoma showing one of his movies. He also accompanied Dr. King on the civil rights march in D.C. Then, for some reason, 20 yrs later he campaigned for Reagan, (who as no friend to the black people)for Bush Sr. & for Bush Jr. He also opposed Affirmative Action. He did a complete & shocking 180. He became a spokesperson for the NRA & while I am a gun enthusiast, I totally disagreed w/ the NRA holding a gun rally only a week after the Columbine shootings which he was a part of. During his speech, he raised a rifle over his head and said: "From my cold dead hands". It was disgraceful and tactless. There's a time and place for everything & that wasn't it. Brian & I put him on the list of O.M.W.C.S.K.Y.A after watching Bowling for Columbine. If you saw the movie, you may recall his reaction to Michael Moore that landed him on our list. Now of course, he is probably more well known for his movies than his political affiliation. Even w/ all the negative things I know about him, I still can't bring myself not to watch The Ten Commandments every year on ABC. He had many great films like, Ben Hur (which he won an Oscar for),Soylent Green & Planet of the apes, just to name a few. In the 90's, I don't know if y'all will remember, he did some Bud Light commercials that were especially funny. Now I'm left wondering, who was the real Charleston Heston? Was it the kind & compassionate man w/ all his mental faculties of the 1960's or was it the grizzled, crotchety, Republican curmudgeon?

Country porch ramblins

Aphorisms, to me, are a southern, linguistic delight. I love the fact that I can take a statement like: "That's a problem,I told you so", and say it 3 different ways. I hope it's a Southern tradition that never dies. I'll break it down for you so you'll know what I mean.

That's a problem,I told you so.

Translation #1: When you lay down w/ dogs, you get up w/ fleas.
Translation #2: You made your bed, now you got to lie in it.
Translation #3: When you stick your head in a lions mouth, you have to work it out that much easier.

You see what I did there? I took one statement and said it 3 different ways. You're not gonna here something like that in Minnesota. Let me give you another example.

I told you to knock it off, now I'm gonna put a stop to it.

Translation #1: I've dipped my last dip of snuff.
Translation #2: That's too much sugar for a dime.
Translation #3: That took the rag off the bush.
Translation #4: You don't believe fat meat is greasy.

You can also describe someones behavior w/ an aphorism. For example:

He/she was shocked.

Translation #1: You could have bought him/her for a penny.
Translation #2: He/she looked like someone just walked over their grave.

Some of my favorite aphorisms are when a simple statement just doesn't convey what you truly mean. For example:

He's/she's a thief.

Translation: He'll/she'll steal the sugar out a cake.

That person looks real bad.

Translation #1: They look like they've been rode hard and put away wet.
Translation #2: They look like 10 miles of bad road.

That persons gon' have trouble ahead.

Translation: They've got a tough row to hoe.

Now let's see if you can translate these next aphorisms to simple statements & if you can, email me w/ your answers.

1. You can't make a silk purse, out of a sows ear.
2. That's fattenin' frogs for snakes.
3. To high to throw your hat up.
4. Every tub has to sit on its own bottom.
5. Can't hold water in a pale.
6. They look like they just stepped out of a band box.

I could go on & on w/ this post because of my love of aphorisms. While on one hand, southerners talk "fastly" w/ less syllables, when we have the time, we also like to convey our strong feelings about something.

Why we talk more gooder fastly

I can't take credit for that title, that's close to the name of a Jeff Foxworthy book. When Southerners are busy or upset, we use colloquialisms. When you need to make a point quickly, colloquialisms are very handy. Now some people have said "it's the dumbing down of our society" & yes some people never learned how to speak English properly, but this post isn't about them, so get down off your soap box. We as Southerners have our on language & there are different dialects of the Southern language as well. I didn't know there were different dialects until I went outside Texas, but was still in the South. In Texas, when we say y'all, we're talkin' 'bout more than one person. In Mississippi, at 1st I would get confused when someone said y'all to me and I was by myself. I wouldn't respond cause I thought they were talking to someone else and then the person would say "hey I'm talkin' to you", and then they would proceed w/ their question. Where y'all from? Where y'all been?, and so on. Sometimes their accents were so funny, I didn't understand them at all. But I digress, let's go back to Texas. When you have a point & it has to be made quick,or you're just using "lazy speech", white folks say they're fixin' to do something. Black folks don't have time for the "X" sound that has to be made for "fixin' so we say "finna". Now both black & white folk don't always have time for "gonna", so we say "gon". As in: "I'm gon to." I think as Southerners we feel that the less syllables we say, the more words we can say. Which also explains why every word that ends in a G, automatically has it cut off. Are you kiddin'? We don't have time for G's. Some people think there's no room for "lazy speech" in language at all, I'm not one of them. I think there's a time and a place for everything. I think it should only be used when you're w/ someone you're extremely familiar with or if you meet someone in a casual atmosphere. Southerners are a xenophobic people, so let non southerners look down on us if they want. We know we're right anyway.

The black sheep of the nation

All families have a "black sheep." In America, the whole south is the "black sheep." The south & I have a love/hate relationship. I love the south because of so many things. A lot of the things I love the south for are wonderful, but were born out of hatred. You may disagree and say "how can something wonderful come out of hatred?" Let me tell you. God takes things that were meant for bad and turn them into something good. Black people were wanted here but not welcomed. We were the first minorities in America to take lemons & make lemonade. Now you might say "hey what about Native Americans"? Well the poor Native Americans were all but wiped out. They have very little influence on the south. Black folk gave this whole country culture. If it wasn't for us America would be England without the royal family, but that's another topic altogether. I love the south because you are free to be as eccentric as you want. In fact, I know entire families that are nuckin' futs and if a person meets one of them for the first time and says something about their personality or demeanor,etc., to someone else that knows them, the explanation is "he's a Smith", & the other person says "ohhhh now I get it." I love that if we're talking negatively about somebody, we can end the sentence w/ "poor thing" and whatever was said is instantly okay. I love that nobody else in America or the entire world cooks the way we cook. Brian's cousins grew up in Connecticut and all 3 of them chose to go to colleges in the south, none of them had ever heard of biscuits & gravy or chicken fried steak. No other area in America had thought to take some steak, batter it and drop it in some grease. I bet if you go to Wisconsin and ask them what chitlins (chitterlings) are, they would have no clue. That's a black southern thing though. I don't like them myself, but that's one of those things that black folks made "lemonade" out of. I love that I can pull up in front of my daughter's school & if she doesn't see me, I can let the window down, holla her name and the teacher will see me and wave. I love that we don't lock or "sanity challenged" relatives up in a home. That crazy uncle of yours stays in the back of your mama or your auntie's house. I love that even white folks still whoop their kids here. We do have those that don't believe in it, but we have a lot more who do. I especially love that you can legally own a lion or tiger in Texas. Now I wouldn't do it, but if I wanted to I could. I just know that you wouldn't be able to do that in Rhode Island. I love that grown men here are still a little afraid of their mothers. Finally, I love that in the south we're nice & spread out. We don't have to live on top of each other like in New York. Now non southerners think that we're bass ackward and strange & we probably are, but if we're so strange, why do so many people from other regions retire to the south?

Do you feel lucky punk? Pt. 2

If you didn't read Do you feel lucky punk?, you're gonna have to do that to understand this. The following are 4 names I left off the list & 3 are extremely important.

Dennis Farina, B. 1944, Chicago. He always plays "wiseguys" or cops. Most recently, he took over for Jerry Orbach on Law & Order. He has this stare like if he got hold of you, he'd stomp you till his shoes got sticky. Also when he plays a cop he's not really acting because he was a cop before he became an actor.

Scott Glenn, B. 1941, Pittsburgh. Many of you may not know him, he tends to play background characters. You can usually find him playing a "government spook" or a cowboy. He has this brooding way about him that just makes you uncomfortable. I think he would best known for a role he played in Urban Cowboy.

Jack Nicholson, B. 1937, Manhattan. Jack Nicholson is best known for every role he's ever played too. I think I forgot to put him on the 1st list because it almost seems like you know him. We see Jack "acting up" at basketball games & w/ the paparazzi. You know when you see Jack, there's always the possibility of him flying off the handle & hitting somebody w/ a car (he actually did that) or attacking somebody w/ a blunt object (he also did that one).

Now this guy deserves an introduction. I don't think there's a punk who thinks their lucky enough to take this guy on. I don't know if this man has ever done damage to anyone, but if he has, it was probably their fault. Personally he could talk about my mama and slander my name & I think I would just have to let him pass.

Paul Sorvino, B. 1939, Brooklyn. Mr. Sorvino's stare is enough to make your heart skip a beat. I'm sure he could rip me limb from limb w/ those giant paws of his. If he hit you in the chest, he could probably make your heart seize. I've never seen him w/ reporters or paparazzi & I'm sure that's probably because they have a sense of self preservation. Sure, your family could sue him, but the money wouldn't due you any good because you'd be dead.

How?

A few years ago, Chris Rock did an HBO special and opened w/ saying that he was a new father to a baby girl. He said that the most important thing he could do in his life was to keep his daughter off the pole. That means to keep her from being a stripper. I am currently pregnant for the 2nd time w/ my third child and the sonogram says its a boy. I'm not worried about Abbey, she's not just a sensible child but also a sensible person. The thing about girls is, they hurt themselves when they're hurting. Boys on the other hand, hurt other people. The question I pose to myself is: as the mother of sons, how do I keep them from hurting others? How many female serial killers have there been? I only know of one. How many female rapists have you heard of? I haven't heard of any. My husband & I don't believe a man can be raped anyway (not a man child but a man) but that's another topic all together. I think, much like Chris Rock, that the most important thing that I can do as a mother to boys is to keep them from being serial killers/rapists. You can't tell me that the parents of some of our most famous serial killers didn't have an inkling as to their kid not being "right". Those parents wouldn't be able to convince me that they didn't suspect somthin' may have been wrong w/ little Billy when they had to start buying him adult dogs instead of puppies because puppy after puppy just kept going "missin'". Or later in life when the other families w/ cats started bringing them in for fear of the neighbor boy lightin' a fire cracker & sticking it in the cats "poop shoot". And finally, when the parent actually investigated the stench coming from the old steamer trunk in the garage and found out it was the remains of every animal in the neighborhood that had ever gone missin', along w/ the signs from the animals saying they had gone missin' in a neat little pile arranged by date. Now I suppose some stuff is normal like burning ants w/ a magnifying glass or my husband said they used to put tad poles on the grill. I'm sure everyone reading this knows or knew at one time, some kid or adult male that you have to hide all flammable liquids, matches & lighters from "cause they just can't help themselves". I won't leave one of my nephews alone w/ my dogs right now & I certainly won't leave him alone w/ my knew baby when he comes. For that matter, I don't think I would even leave him alone w/ my 2 year old. Is it a demon that causes serial killers & serial rapists to become what they are or is it environment & genetics? Maybe its a little from column A & a little from column B.