Spring Fever

I don't know if y'all have heard about the Binghamton, New York shooting yet but if you haven't, I believe 17 people were killed there today. Of course I have a theory. It's Spring Fever. I'm not making light of this tragedy, I'm just telling you what contributed to it. There's always a little truth in Old Wives Tales. People react just as strangely to the first of spring as they do to a full moon. Let me give you some more examples. The Oklahoma City bombing was in April, The Branch Dividian stand off in Waco,Tx was in April too. Also Columbine and Virginia Tech. My Grandmother said that her Daddy (my G-Grandpaw) would snap every spring and jump on somebody. They used to have to send him away to air him out a bit. Don't tell her I said this, but Grandmother, who suffers from "the crazies" too gets belligerent and wacky. I've been trying to recover from my slow downward slide this first of spring as well. Once again, not making light of these tragedies, spring does something to people. Take my advice and try to be nice to people this 1st of spring, you don't want to be the one that makes someone snap.

IT REALLY HAPPENED!!!

Yesterday history was made. Even Osama Bin Ladan knew about it & he really has been hiding under a rock for the last 2 years. I wouldn't let myself believe it was really gonna happen, until I saw it and other black people felt the same way. You see, as a people, we hope for the best & expect the worse, that way our hopes won't be dashed. I watched, half expecting the ghost of Bull Connor to appear and knock the Bible from under our new President's hand, but let me back up. The "Procession of Presidents Passed" was what was really interesting. Each of them looking more haggard than the last and poor President Carter looked like a "haint" (a ghost, for those of you who are to Citified to know that word). Then they finally got to President Bush, who looked like he had been on an extended vacation. The job hasn't aged him an iota. The other Presidents had been aged by what I imagine is the hardest job in all the free world, and this jack-ass has pep in his step. Here comes Dick Cheney being wheeled out looking like Mr. Potter from It's a Wonderful Life. When I saw Cheney, I instantly thought of the "scurvy little spider" speech the fictional George Bailey made to the also fictional Henry Potter. It was nice to see our super cool Obama, have nervous laughter when he took the Oath of Office. To me, it made him feel more real. The "dark cloud" over the festivities was that when G.W. took flight he was coming back to Texas, and eventually to Dallas. He should do well to remember, Texas may be a "red state" but Dallas County is blue.

My hapless husband

Phone: Ring, ring,

Me: Hello

Voice: Is this Mrs. Jaime Mason?

Me: Yes

Voice: Mrs. Mason, your husband fell into a manhole and broke both his legs.

Me: Hmm. Is he unconscious?

Voice: No ma'am he's screaming & in a lot of pain.

Me: Of course he is. I'll be there as soon as I can.

I hope this scenario never happens but if it does, I wouldn't be surprised. Let me take you back to the beginning of our marriage:

'98: Acid Reflux. He lost threw up constantly & lost 20 lbs. before diagnosed.

'98: Really bad flu.

'98: Shingles.

'99: Battery acid in his eyes.

'00: Nearly set house on fire.

'02: Steps on a 2 1/2-3 inch rusty nail.

'02: Falls down stairs.

'02: Falls down stairs... again.

'02: Falls downstairs carrying Abbey.

'02: Falls downstairs & is no longer allowed to carry Abbey up or down the stairs.

'03: Falls in the shower.

'03: Homeless man sleeps in his car.

'04: Falls up the stairs...Yes, he fell up the stairs & hit his head on the top stair.

'05: Constantly trips over newly installed gates.

'06: Scrubbing a stain out of Abbey's carpet, he pops a ligament in his finger & has to wear a weird finger cast.

'06: Still tripping over the gates.

'07: Windshield wipers go out in a storm & he drives home w/ the drivers side window down, wiping the windshield manually. When he gets home his whole left side is soggy.

'07: Still can't quite get the hang of those gates.

'08: Brakes fail completely on the way home. Has to use emergency brake to stop at red lights. Since he uses his car as his office, everything flies forward upon stops.

'08: Getting a bike for Abbey, he pulls a bike down from above & nearly knocks himself unconscious.

'08: And last but not least, is arrested for a 5 year old warrant and manhandled by the police.

I love that man.

The America inside America.

There is a Black America & a White America. Yeah, I said it! Some people believe there's just one America, but they're wrong. The last time it was this obvious was when O.J. Simpson was declared not guilty in the trial. Y'all know as well as I do, that trial didn't have much to do w/ the murder itself. (That's a whole other topic though) Here it is, about 12 years later & a Black man could become President. People that don't consider themselves racist are making the election of this man about Jeremiah Wright & other Black associates that are leaders in their community. The real problem is WHITE PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO KNOW US & they're afraid if Obama becomes President, they'll some how instantly have to know Black people. Every time I meet a White person for the first time, I can almost see the "thought bubble" over their head trying to either figure out how to tell me they know a Black person, or going through their mental facebook to see if they know any Black people at all. You see, 60 years ago they had to know Black people because a lot of us worked in their homes. If they didn't have someone working in their homes, it was the "Colored man" who ran the elevator at their jobs or the Caddy at the golf course, etc. Still, to this day, the only Black people White people know, is the handful that work on their jobs & I bet a lot of them would be hard pressed to tell you what at least one of those person's name is. Black people have to know white people... they're everywhere. White people are the boss, the neighbor, the Teacher. They're in the next cubicle & on the treadmill you're waiting for. Black people can only talk about Black issues in front of other Black people or we're (get this) called racists. Your average White person doesn't want to know what's wrong, they just want to go on sticking their head in the sand. I have proof but if you want it email me privately. Black people, as a Nation inside another Nation have to walk in 2 worlds, using the language of White people & our own language. I've mastered it, like most other Blacks. My 6 year old daughter has too. She has already began straddling the fence of being "White" in front of White people & "Black" in front of Blacks. God forbid, a Black person airs our "dirty laundry" in front of White people. That person has just "called down the thunder." For example Bill Cosby. He didn't realize the White media was there. Black folks put him on a spit & spun him over hot coals. If Obama gets into the White House, I don't know if I'll be happy for him as a person or if I'll mourn for him.

The state of the Country

1st Topic. America seems to be "going to Hell in a hand basket". 1st just let me get this out of the way. If you only have money in the bank, you're naive. My Grandmother always told me: "Always keep a little money on you." Now she didn't mean on your person, she meant in your possession. Everybody needs to keep some money stashed around the house. Now I'm not saying keep all you money in your mattress, but keep something in your house. Have y'all seen what's going on w/ Indymac bank? Yes, I know that the FDIC is suppose to insure your money for up to 100,000 dollars, but Indymac is not the only bank that's in trouble. If all these other LARGE banks fail, will the FDIC be able to cover every body's money? I'm thinking not. If my bank fails, (my bank was not one of the banks on the list) I have a little money stashed in various places so me & my family will be able to eat for a while.

2nd Topic. NAFTA. Does anybody understand what has happened because of NAFTA? Because of NAFTA, big companies like Nike have taken their factories to Asia where they can pay them almost nothing to work. These "big companies" are propping up the economies of other countries instead of their own. I believe that all these companies should be fined for taking their factory and call center jobs away from Americans. Families are hurting here & the Government needs to rescind NAFTA.

3rd Topic. Gas. I don't know what more I can say about gas that my post: Where's the Hell Naw, didn't cover. Bottom line: Americans need to do something about it.

Where's the "Hell Naw?"

My husband (Brian) & I were on our way home this evening when the gas light came on & made that "Ding" sound. That "Ding" sound is a sound I've come to hate. I know I'm not the only person that feels this way. Some of the first Americans went to war over tea. Y'all do remember your history don't you. We went to war over taxes on tea. I'm looking around at the state our country is in and wondering to myself: "Where's the civil unrest?" Why are there no riots or at least some picketing? Where's the "Hell Naw?" The "Hell Naw I'm not payin' 4.00 dollars for gas." When did Americans become complacent? I'm not a complacent person, I'm passionate. I'd love to get a bunch of Mini van Moms together, drive down to the Mobil headquarters & just act a fool. I mean cause a real commotion. Many people don't realize the trickle down affect that's happening. Because gas has gone up, everything has gone up. People are saying they never thought they'd see the day when chicken would cost more than beef. That's because of gas prices. The American government is scramblin' to find a new "gas" source. That new source is Ethanol. Where does Ethanol come from? Corn. What do chickens eat? Riiiight, corn. Because everything travels by truck, food has gone up & will continue to go up. Not that everything else won't go up too, but we can live without a lot of things. Food ain't one of 'em. I suppose we could all become Locavores, but most people have jobs away from home, so when would people have time to kill & pluck chickens or pick the veggies from the garden for dinner. I'm mostly ticked off because there doesn't seem to be enough outrage.

Do you speak Southern?

I know I've said I'm working on a post about southern cuisine, but I can't get passed the five lines I have on it. I still, however, have a lot to say about the southern language. We can "speak gooder fastly" or we can be vivid & extremely dramatic. What I'm getting to today is not just our "low speech" or our dramatic speech, but both. In addition to those forms of speech, we have a way of talking that only other southerners understand. I don't know that we're even aware of it when we do it. I realized it one evening when Brian & I were pulling into the garage. As we were doing that, we were assaulted by a horrible smell that filled the car. Brian & I, in unison, both said: "Ugh... Pole Cat." That's when I began to think about it. I called Jessie, & told her about it. She said she would ask the people who came through her office if they know what a Pole cat is. I can't remember if she did or not. Anyway, I compiled a list of words & pieces of speech that only southerners use. I don't think they fit into the aphorisms or the colloquialisms list. Some of these words aren't even real words. You won't find these words in any dictionary.

• Steaded= to continue an activity you've been told not to
• Riled= to be angered
• Monkey blood= Iodine
• Spell or spells=when someone goes through dramatic emotional changes, high or low
• Stud'in= when you don't care what a person or people think
• Hunker= to lay low because of weather
• The Stimples= Canine cold
• The Hawk= unexpected cold snap
• Pole cat= Skunk
• Holler= screaming or yelling
• Racket= loud noises

Southerners turn a phrase differently. That's because we don't use the same one word that non-southerners use.

• Turn me loose. Or: I'm gon' turn my dog loose on you.
• Get hold of him.
• Get shed of him.
• Cut the light off.

The next 2 turns of phrase would only be used by a southerner because we're the only region that's this dramatic.

• He took to his bed.

That person didn't just get sick or depressed, he had to: Take to his bed.

• He ran a foul of the law.

Again this person didn't just go to jail, he had to: run a foul.

My love of speech has continued to get in the way of all the other Southern things I want to talk about. Eccentric, unique, backwards, I'm happy w/ all those descriptions.