Do you feel lucky punk?

Brian & I have been together coming up on 13 years now or it might be 14. Anyhow, over the years, we've started conversations that have continued for years. One of the conversations that we started years ago is still going strong. The conversation is a list of old men who could still kick your ass. This conversation and list started in (I believe) '02 when a filmmaker named Bart Sibrel began harassing Buzz Aldrin. You know Buzz Aldrin, the Astronaut. He got in Aldrin's face calling him a liar and telling him to admit that the moon landing was a fake. Buzz Aldrin answered him w/ a fist to the face. Now the 2 of us never sat down and made an actual list but whenever either of us sees someone on a movie or TV show we say "add him to the list". So without further ado, here is a list of old men who can still kick your ass:

Buzz Aldrin, B.1930, Astronaut, Proved it in a California hotel in 2002

Eric Braeden, B. 1941, Actor, Germany. Known best as "Victor Newman" on The Young & the Restless, Proved it on an airplane in 2002

James Caan, B. 1940, Actor, New York. Best known as "Sonny Corleone" in The Godfather. I wouldn't test him.

Clint Eastwood, B. 1930, Actor, Need I say more

Sam Elliott, B. 1944, Actor, Montana Cowboy. Best known for many movie rolls but saying the tag line "Beef...It's what's for dinner" sticks out in my mind most. Somebody tell me when they hear that, they don't have to ask themselves; Am I having beef for dinner, cause if I'm not I should.

Tommy Lee Jones, B. 1946, Actor, Texan, "Still waters run deep personality." He'd warn you to stop whatever it is you're doing before he puts his cowboy boot in your ass.

Robert Loggia, B. 1930, Actor, New York. Known for many movie roles but sticks out best in my mind for an orange juice commercial he did that was hilarious. I do believe he'd kick you when you're down.

Gerald McRaney, B. 1947, Actor, Mississippi. Probably best known as Major Dad but has done many TV roles. He only has the one lung, but I bet he'd have you down on the ground before he had to use his oxygen tank.

Burt Reynolds, B. 1936, Actor. Best known for every role he's ever done. The Sanguine personality in a man is few and far between and because of that personality trait you might not see it. The thing you have to remember about Sanguines is they are quick to laugh but are also quick tempered as well. I'm sanguine, so I recognize it.

Tom Selleck, B. 1945, Actor. Best known for his role as "Magnum P.I." People might say "Not Magnum P.I." Yes Magnum P.I. if you think back a few years ago to the bru ha ha that took place on the Rosie O'Donnell show, I think you might change your mind.

Sylvester Stallone, 1946, Actor. Best known for his role as Rocky Balboa in the movie "Rocky". Now I'm not real sure about this one, but Brian says yes. If you ask me, Sly seems to have a more Phlegmatic personality, which means it doesn't seem like you could do too much to bother him. That's the only one Brian & I disagree on but I'll let him have it.

There are some people who you might say we didn't think of or didn't include but I probably didn't list them on purpose. Every year these actors get older just like everyone else & they have to be aged off the list. Pre 1930 and there might still be a lot of power behind your punch but you have to be quick enough to land it. Also some might have fallen off the list because of illness. The whole point of the list is that Bart Sibrel was embarrassed cause he never thought in a million years that, that old man (Buzz Aldrin) could or would whoop him like that.

There are some people who will make the list in 5 years or so... some real good ones. Right now, if you were 30 or so like Bart Sibrel, you wouldn't be embarrassed to get beat up by someone who's only 15 or 20 years older but when you start talking about 30 to 40 years older, that's the rub. In a few years, those born after 1950 will be on our list. Let me just say right now the only exception to this rule will be Clint Eastwood. Yes he was born in 1930 but I think it's gonna take an illness for him to fall off the list. My reasoning is not because he plays really tough characters on screen, but because of how I've seen him behave w/ reporters.


Happy New Year y'all!!!

Moving & the "Family Crystal"

My husband Brian & I have moved 5 times since we've been married. After Brian & I were married, my Grandmother gave me the "Family Crystal". Each time we have moved, the crystal is the last thing I pack and that's on the day of the move. I wrap it carefully in bubble wrap & put it in wine boxes that have the individual holes were wine bottles should be. I then put them in the car on the passenger side, that's the way it's gone 5 times. The crystal is about 70 years old and I get nervous using it. The reason that the thought of breaking this crystal causes such anxiety for me outside of obvious, is because I believe that a little part of Grandmother would never be able to forgive me, I would also hear about it as long as my Grandmother had breath left in her body. For example: about 23 years ago Grandmother had a vase that she loved. It sat on her mantle where everyone could see hen they walked in the house, including herself. Anyhow, it was early on a Saturday morning and I was in my room playing w/ my Barbies. I heard a loud crash and Grandmother scream, I ran into the living room to see what happened. Broken blue glass was everywhere and the vase was no longer on the mantle. I didn't have to ask what happened Grandmother offered the intel up freely. "K.C. broke the vase", she said. K.C. was our Calico cat and like most cats she loved to sit high & look low. Now... 23 years later in 2007 she's still upset about K.C. breaking her vase. Surely if I were to cause the crystal to break, the very last words from her death bed would be: "Jaime let the crystal break", and she'd go on to Glory. As I write this, I'm not even sure that I want the crystal anymore, it's just too much pressure. I'll keep it though because that's the lot in life that I've been cast, the crystal is in my Will. Should I die before Brian, all family heirlooms, including the crystal goes to my Mother. If I hadn't already done that and I were to pass, there could potentially be trouble. Also, I have to admit, as the live person I am right now, the thought of Brian remarrying and that woman using my families stuff doesn't sit very well w/ me. After I'm dead, I'm positive I won't care but Wills are for the living anyway not the dead.

Shoot J.R. in Dallas

For about a year or so, Hollywood has been messin' around w/ the idea of bringing Dallas to the "big screen". I have no problem w/ a Dallas movie, but they are supposed to be shooting it in Florida w/ John Travolta as J.R. & J.Lo as Sue Ellen. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!! So this post is my idea of a dream cast, shot in Dallas.

Hal Holbrook, as Jock Ewing,Patriarch of the Ewing family and head of Ewing Oil.

Dixie Carter, as Ms. Ellie Southworth Ewing, the Matriarch.

Alec Baldwin, as (the villain you love to hate) J.R. Ewing. You may say Alec Baldwin? Huh? But if you think about it and are familiar w/ his work, it's good casting.

Sharon Stone, as gin soaked, aging beauty queen, Sue Ellen Ewing. Nobody does gin soaked and desperate better than she does. If you're not sure check out the movie Casino.

Luke Wilson, as youngest Ewing brother, Bobby.

Reese Witherspoon, as Pamela Barnes Ewing. Juliet to Bobby's Romeo.

Billy Bob Thornton, as Cliff Barnes, Pam's brother and Arch nemesis of J.R.

Beau Bridges, as Ray Krebbs, the put upon, left out, illegitimate son of Jock Ewing.

Jessica Simpson, as Lucy Ewing, the daughter of Gary & Valine Ewing.

Now I have no idea what the script would be about, but that's the perfect cast.

My immediate family

Okay so my Grandmother & I are 2 different sides of the same coin. Slightly of the beam, quick tempered although she has mellowed a lot since she was my age, and suffering no fools. I expect by the time I get to the age she is now, I'll be a lot like she is now. She was like me at this age. I know this because of a lot of the private conversations she and I have had. I won't repeat what she's told me about herself because that would be a betrayal, but she and I have lived parallel lives. Between the 2 of us are her 3 daughters, My mother & my 2 Aunts. My mother is an awesome, take no prisoners, brilliant business woman. She suffers no fools as well. She has proven time after time if she falls, she's always gonna land on her feet. My Aunt/sister Jessica is adventurous, stubborn, & smart. She's never met a person she doesn't like and never had an argument she can't win. Really, she'll argue w/ a sign post. She should have been a lawyer. Also, if there's a wall in front of her and she can't go around it, over or under it, she's gonna back up get a running start and go threw it. My Aunt/sister Renee' is completely laissez-faire. She has this "F" it attitude towards everything. Her goal in life is just to be happy. When it comes to numbers, she make them cry out for mercy. Then there's me. I have so many issues, it's scary. My goal in life is to be left alone. I rile easily, that's the one common thing Grandmother, my Mother,Jessica & I all have. We all wonder what's wrong w/ Renee'. But I digress. I'm guarded, don't like a lot of attention and also suffer no fools. I don't want to be a business woman and I don't always have to be right. I'm the "Earthmother", I want to raise my children in peace. I'm the goddess of Hearth & Home. I want to be proud of the way I have everything under control. I want my boundaries to be from my front yard to my backyard and everything in between. My main goal is to be The Proverbs 31 woman. That's what I want. If I get to publish my books someday, that's fine but if I don't I'll be happy knowing I've raised a solid family for the next generation.

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend (Juliet)

Juliet's & my relationship began about 8 years ago. She came from the North Texas Great Dane rescue. Someone found her wandering around Haltom City. Now I don't exactly know where Haltom City is in relation to Dallas, but it sounds like a place where they still wear their guns on a holster around their waist. Anyway, Juliet was a long time dream fulfilled. When I was a child my Grandmother's best friend(Sally Jo) had a Great Dane named Campo and thus ignited a flame in me that never dampened. Fifteen years later after I was married and had a house, we got Juliet. In the first few months she was w/ us, she slept in bed w/ me & Brian... right between us. Brian didn't much like that seeing as Juliet weighed 120 lbs. it as like having a 3rd person in our bed. Soon, her sleeping area became the closet or sometimes she would curl herself into a laundry basket. Don't ask me how she did it, she just did. In those days Brian had to be at work by 5:30 am and when Brian left she'd get in the bed w/ me. It as really comfy especially when winter came. Oooh how people loved her and children were amazed. It became clear to Brian & to myself that Juliet was my dog, not Brian's & my dog but my dog. In those earliest of days Brian & I were horsing around in the kitchen w/ an office chair and I was fake screaming, Brian like to not have made it out of that kitchen alive. That became #1 on our list, no play fighting. At that time I ran a daycare from my home and there was a meat man that would come by & I would by stuff from him for the Daycare. This man was huge, every bit of 6 foot 6 and at least 300 lbs. if he was 20. He came by so I could get chicken strips from him and I went outside, Juliet was behind me & I didn't know. She lunged between me & that meat man and started to growl and bark. I don't believe he intended me any harm but Juliet was unsure of his intentions. I calmed her down, made her go back into the house & closed the door. She watched and barked from the window. That was the last I saw of the meat man. She was always gentle w/ the children I kept. One time she was gnawing on a rib bone I looked away and looked back and one of the babies had taken it away from her and began chewing on it. I took it from the child and gave it back to Julie, but she didn't want it anymore. Brian & I also learned early on that Julie was terrified of rain and still is to this day. One night she got under the bed and almost turned the whole bed over she was so scared. I used to take Juliet w/ me wherever she could go. Once I took her to the grocery store I was just running in & running out. I left the windows down about halfway, by the time I got to the check out line, there as an announcement over the intercom. They announced my licence plate & told me to come to the front. Juliet had climbed out of the car and had run off but not before scaring everyone in her path. I looked for her all over the neighborhood and then came home. I got a call from a woman at a car dealership, they asked me if I owned a Great Dane. She was under a car and wouldn't come out but she was able to get under there and read her tag. I went up to the dealership, thanked them & bought Juliet home. Then Abbey came to live w/ us. We went and picked her up late one night, Juliet had no idea she was coming cause I had no idea till that day. Juliet began sleeping in Abbey's room right at the foot of her crib. It was nothing Brian or I told Julie to do, she felt instinctively protective of her. Abbey climbed on Julie and put her fingers in her nose and ate her dog food and sat on her back. They were fast friends. We moved to the house on Munger and Juliet mirrored our same excitement. She ran up and down the stairs over and over again tickled pink to have stairs. Shortly after that we got Cozette & Sophia. Juliet wasn't crazy about that. They were championship, show quality Danes & Juliet wasn't, but they weren't nearly as graceful & uppity as Juliet. She had 'em licked on that. In that neighborhood if I felt threatened by a ne'er do well, I could count on Juliet. If she got a hold of you she wasn't gonna let you go. It would never get to that point w/ her though cause she would make her intentions known before you got too close & she still will. She jumped out a second story window to be w/ me & I jumped in on any fight she would sometimes have w/ Sophia, even when I was pregnant. The most recent fight I jumped in on was w/ The Colonel I damn near lost a finger in that one. Juliet & I will have each others back till the end.

Watching from the sidelines

TV show watching to me is what ball game watching is to my husband. Lets start w/ Sunday nights...that's an easy night. Sunday during the regular season is Desperate Housewives & Brothers and Sisters. Monday is a little more difficult and involves planning. At 7:00 Chuck comes on but also How I Met Your Mother comes on at the same time. I record H.I.M.Y.M. Then at 8:00, Heroes, the only way I'm not watching that is if I'm unconscious. At 8:30 a new show called Samantha Who? comes on so I record that, but there's a problem because I record Journeyman at 9. It wouldn't be a problem if Dancing w/ the stars didn't always run long. So now I have to activate both timers to make sure I get to see the whole Samantha Who? episode & Journeyman. Meanwhile I make a mad dash to my bedroom so I can watch Weeds at 9. Tuesday night is an easy night till 9. Lincoln Heights (a black family drama) comes on at 7 & Damages at 9 that just had it's season finale. That show will be replaced by Nip/Tuck at the same time on the same channel. Both timers on the DVR activate at 9 and record Boston Legal & Law & Order: SVU, thus another mad dash is made to the bedroom where I'll be able to watch Nip/Tuck. Wednesday night at 7 is Pushing Daisies, it's a laugh out loud funny & original show. At 8 I watch The Bionic Woman & record Private Practice (a spin off of Grey's Anatomy). It's good but just doesn't have the teeth that Grey's does. By 9 it's time for Dirty, Sexy, Money. It's a new show and it's alright, but as far as night time soaps go, it's no Dallas. Thursday is a nail biting night for me. At 7 & 7:30 My Name is Earl and 30 Rock come on and are recorded at 7. Smallville also comes on at 7 & is recorded, so once again to the bedroom (or my Fortress of Solitude), I go so I can watch Ugly Betty. At 8 Grey's Anatomy comes on & the only way I'm missin' that is if one of the children are bleeding profusely. I'm also recording Supernatural at 8 too. When 9:00 rolls around I watch Mad Men on AMC. You read right American Movie Classics has a show. It's a solid & subtle show set in 1960. It just had it's Season Finale so at 9, Brian & I watch Earl & 30 Rock, while Law & Order: CI is recording. Friday I watch Ghost Whisperer at 7 and record Women's Murder Club at 8. I love the show but Brian doesn't like it because of Angie Harmon. He's says she's manly looking. We put on one of the movies that came in the mail from Netflix. Now this might sound a little crazy to some of you but it's the exact same thing men do when they watch their ball games. For any of you thinking my children are being neglected during these times, Abbey has been home for four hours by the time my shows start. She has done her homework w/ my help, had 2 books read to her and has eaten her dinner if I'm the one that's cooked. If I'm not cooking and Brian is cooking on the grill, she and the "man cub" eat around 7:00. They then retire to the "man cubs" room to play with the 300 Lego's at their disposal or 60 Wedgits or watch a movie and play. At 8:30 it's time for Abbey to go to bed, the TV show is paused and both of them get to hear a story. I think DVR is the best invention since the automobile. Before, if I wanted to watch 2 shows I had to change the channel during the commercial and I'd always miss some part. Now I get watch the whole show in it's entirety while "brother" is down for nap in the daytime or on the weekend if it's a show Brian likes too.

What will dogs eat?

Over the years I've owned 6 Great Danes, so I've seen my share of what dogs will eat. Lets start w/ Juliet, she is my oldest and she was the first to rob my refrigerator. If you own a dog, don't ever open the fridge and turn your back. She stole fried chicken and I didn't know it was gone until I found her eating it in the closet. Then came Cozette and Sophia...Lord have mercy, those dogs would eat anything it didn't even have to be edible. I think the first thing they ate was cereal, including a large portion of the boxes. Eventually I learned to put the cereal & crackers were they couldn't get to them. Of course I'm not perfect and sometimes things were left were they could get to them. I was making Black bean & Ham soup one evening. At that time my husband and were being interviewed to be foster parents. I was between the kitchen and dining room talking to the foster people and dicing up the ham. Now, the kitchen and dining room were right next to each other so I was back and forth talking to them and cooking. I wasn't surprised that Cozette ate the ham, I was surprised at how quick it happened. I ducked out of the kitchen for no more than 10 seconds, came back in and the whole ham was gone. Cozettte wasn't in the middle of eating the ham...the ham was just gone, like it had never existed. Cozette was just standing there not licking her lips or chewing or anything, just standing there. I told my husband we were just havin' Black bean soup that night. Cozette and Sophia also ate a big box of Velveeta cheese. All I ever found to prove that it was them and that I wasn't losing my mind, was half of the yellow box on top. I never found the foil that it comes in nor did I find the brown box on the bottom. Apparently they had ate that too. Cozettte used to get in these funny moods where she would eat things that were inedible, like plastic bags or film negatives. Of course it would make her sick and she would throw it up. One Christmas, I caught Juliet just about to eat some German chocolate cupcakes. I literally caught her poised over them w/ her mouth open. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and then walked away. Sometimes w/ Cozette & Sophia we would come home to find piles of throw up w/ socks in it or half eaten blankets. Then came Ms. Ellie. She pulled a hot pot of squash down off the stove and tried to eat it...she wasn't successful, it was a piping hot pot of squash. That brings us to Ginger, she's sweet, mild mannered and doesn't get into stuff. She aids in my clean up. If we have corn or rice as a side dish the "man cub" gets it all over the floor. When the kids are done eating, we let Ginger in the kitchen and she takes her time and gets every grain of rice or kernel of corn of the floor. I couldn't do a better job if I used the vacuum cleaner. I love Great Danes and they're wonderful personalities. I do believe I will always own at least one.